Visitor's guide To Driving in St. Louis
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
Gravois Road can only be pronounced by a native.
Ditto for Spoede and Chouteau.
Construction on Highways 40, 64, 70, 255, 270, 44, 55 and I-170 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved and St. Louisans lost track of how many political figures claimed them as their own ideas.
A St. Louisan from South County has never been to North County and vice versa.
West County has everything delivered.
St. Louisans were aghast when the federal government required them to redo the highway signs to indicate that the federal highway went to cities in other states instead of local municipalities.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect, or has been on for the last 17 miles.
There are 2 exits on Highway 40 for Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend.
All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs (driving on Olive west of 270) have the right of way.
Laclede Station Road mysteriously changes names as you cross intersections.
As do McCausland, Lindbergh, Watson, Reavis Barracks, Fee Fee, cKnight, Airport Road, Midland, Olive and Clarkson.
Drivers are starting to cut their OWN plates rather than go through the MO. Vehicle Dept. to get new tags. You can purchase tags from dealers behind QuiK Shops in the city. They are cheaper, the clerks are nicer, and the service is faster.
You can go all four directions on Highway 270: North and South in West County, East and West in South County, and East and West in North County.
Confused?
So are the St. Louis drivers.
There are 54 school districts on the Missouri side alone -- each of which has their own school bus system and scheduled times to block traffic.
There are 75 "official neighborhoods" in the City of St. Louis. St. Louisans commonly give directions (especially for restaurants) to strangers based on these neighborhoods which aren't marked on any maps that are handed out by the tourist board, the AAA or Mapquest.
There are 91 official municipalities in St. Louis County. Each Municipality has it's own rules, regulations, and often their own police departments.
More importantly, most have their own snow removal contracts so it's not uncommon to drive down a road in winter and have one block plowed, the next salted, the next piled with snow and the last partially cleared by residents wanting to get out of their driveways
No native St. Louisan knows that Lindbergh runs from South County to North County! And, if you tell them, they will not believe you. Lindbergh belongs to every neighborhood except Kirkwood, who had the nerve to creatively change the name to "Kirkwood Road".
Any car parked longer than 4 hours in the city, is considered a parts store.
Highway 270 is our daily version of the NASCAR circuit.
YIELD signs are for decoration only. No native St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept.
Lambert Field and St. Louis International Airport really are the same place.
The East Terminal, however, is a different place.
Never ever try to cross a bridge in St. Louis during rush hour unless you have a port-a-potty in the car.
The outer belt is Highway 270 which turns into Highway 255 in South County. The inner belt is Highway 170 and if it's a 3XX number it's an outer outer belt.
Highway 40 is the same as Interstate 64 through the middle of St. Louis.
If you need directions to O'Fallon, make sure to specify Illinois or Missouri.
The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive on Manchester Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.
If it snows or rains, stay home!!!
Friday, May 21, 2004
Trouble readjusting to life back home after spending time travelling?
Here's a few handy hints that should help you settle back in:
1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night invite random people in to sleep there. This will make things seem more hostel-like, and will also boost your karma. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks all night. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.
2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, and forget to wash it for months.
3) Sleep in a different room each day, varying it by setting the air conditioning either too hot or too cold. Sleep behind a pot plant for that jungle effect. Cats also double as pumas with a little imagination. Put up a mosquito net, ensuring that there are plenty of holes, and it falls down at least twice during the night.
4) Enlist help of a family member to set your radio alarm randomly to go off at some time during the night, filling your room with loud talking. Works best if you can find a radio station in Hebrew.
5) Slowly remove items of clothing etc from your backpack, until you are completely using your wardrobe instead. Maybe only one item a day, but remember its one step at a time kids, one step at a time. Don't forget to smell your clothes before wearing them, and re-introduce the use of the iron SLOWLY.
6) Buy your favourite foodstuffs, and despite living at home, write your >name and when you might next be leaving the house on them. This should be the backpackers staple diet of mainly pasta, potatoes and beer.
7) Ask family member to every now or again steal one of the above
foodstuffs, preferably the one you've most been looking forward to, or the most expensive.
8) Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag out in the sun, so you have to spend at least 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.
9) Even if it's a Sunday, make sure you're out of the house by 10am, and then stand on the corner looking lost. Ask first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they've found anywhere good to go yet.
10)Once decided to possibly get a job, take a fully packed rucksack to work with you every day. Although it's perfectly safe next to the coffee machine, watch it like a hawk.
11)Buy your bus, train ticket or order a taxi in a foreign language. The fact the person behind the counter won't understand you simply adds to the authenticity. Remember to barter for everything, if the bus driver says 70p, offer 30p.
12)When sitting on public transport (the tube in London is the best) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you, say which stop you got on, where your going to, how long you have been travelling and what >university you went to. If they say they are going to Morden, say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible, you've heard Parsons Green is better, and cheaper.
13) Shower infrequently, ensuring that you continue to apply Deet for that true travel aroma.
These simple but effective instructions should help
you fall back into normal society with the minimum of effort. Good luck!
Here's a few handy hints that should help you settle back in:
1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night invite random people in to sleep there. This will make things seem more hostel-like, and will also boost your karma. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks all night. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.
2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, and forget to wash it for months.
3) Sleep in a different room each day, varying it by setting the air conditioning either too hot or too cold. Sleep behind a pot plant for that jungle effect. Cats also double as pumas with a little imagination. Put up a mosquito net, ensuring that there are plenty of holes, and it falls down at least twice during the night.
4) Enlist help of a family member to set your radio alarm randomly to go off at some time during the night, filling your room with loud talking. Works best if you can find a radio station in Hebrew.
5) Slowly remove items of clothing etc from your backpack, until you are completely using your wardrobe instead. Maybe only one item a day, but remember its one step at a time kids, one step at a time. Don't forget to smell your clothes before wearing them, and re-introduce the use of the iron SLOWLY.
6) Buy your favourite foodstuffs, and despite living at home, write your >name and when you might next be leaving the house on them. This should be the backpackers staple diet of mainly pasta, potatoes and beer.
7) Ask family member to every now or again steal one of the above
foodstuffs, preferably the one you've most been looking forward to, or the most expensive.
8) Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag out in the sun, so you have to spend at least 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.
9) Even if it's a Sunday, make sure you're out of the house by 10am, and then stand on the corner looking lost. Ask first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they've found anywhere good to go yet.
10)Once decided to possibly get a job, take a fully packed rucksack to work with you every day. Although it's perfectly safe next to the coffee machine, watch it like a hawk.
11)Buy your bus, train ticket or order a taxi in a foreign language. The fact the person behind the counter won't understand you simply adds to the authenticity. Remember to barter for everything, if the bus driver says 70p, offer 30p.
12)When sitting on public transport (the tube in London is the best) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you, say which stop you got on, where your going to, how long you have been travelling and what >university you went to. If they say they are going to Morden, say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible, you've heard Parsons Green is better, and cheaper.
13) Shower infrequently, ensuring that you continue to apply Deet for that true travel aroma.
These simple but effective instructions should help
you fall back into normal society with the minimum of effort. Good luck!
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